Gm football fans. Route One here, the football newsletter that keeps acceptance speeches short.

Today’s briefing is a ~3 min read:

• United want to hire a cycling coach 🚲

• The worst kept secret award goes to… 🏆

• Extra time: Gary Neville’s worst football take to date 🤕

🗞️ Morning Brief

THE WORST KEPT SECRET AWARD GOES TO… 🏆

Yes, that’s right. The 2023 Ballon d’Or winner was announced yesterday.

And Lionel Messi won his eighth Ballon d’Or. The award to recognise the best player in the world.

It wasn’t much of a surprise. Fabrizio Romano leaked the announcement over a week ago on his X (Twitter) account.

It’s all well and good when he leaks transfer news. But, heck, just give us something to look forward to, Fab.

Anyway, in case you missed the ceremony, here’s a quick rundown:

• Lionel Messi won his eighth Ballon d’Or.

• Aitana Bonmati won the Ballon d’Or Feminin.

• Aston Villa goalkeeper Emi Martinez was recognised as the world’s best goalkeeper with the Yashin Trophy.

• Manchester City won the men’s club of the year award.

• Barcelona won the women’s club of the year award.

• City’s Erling Haaland won the Gerd Muller trophy for most goals scored.

• Vinicius Jr won the Socrates Award for the best social initiative.

• Jude Bellingham won the Kopa Trophy, recognising the best young player in the world.

UNITED GO FOR GOLD 🏅

Manchester United fans are confused.

Not because their team forgot how to play football this weekend, but because they’re about to hire a cycling coach to change their fortunes.

The so-called ‘cycling coach’ is… Sir Dave Brailsford.

A quick summary of Davo’s credentials:

• He’s the guy who changed the fate of the British Cycling team in 2003.

• He commits to a strategy that he refers to as “the aggregation of marginal gains.”

• Brailsford and his team are experts in finding 1 per cent gains in overlooked and unexpected areas.

• In 110 years of Tour de France, no British cyclist had ever won the event. Enter Dave… the rest is history.

In summary, Brailsford’s strategy aims to improve the smallest components by just one per cent in multiple areas.

So, he’s good at what he does. He also has a solid track record… a breath of fresh air for United fans.

And as part of Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s £1.3b minority stake deal, he would insist that Brailsford would lead United’s football operations.

He can point towards the work he’s done at Nice, who are second in Ligue 1, as evidence that he understands the world of football.

But, will United fans be willing to wait for his “marginal gain strategy” to deliver change?

Only time will tell…

EXTRA-TIME ⏱️

Spanish referee draws a hard line between the players and himself… quite literally. The ref uses vanishing spray to stop players from interfering with his VAR check.

Thomas Muller needs earplugs when warming up against Turkish side Galatasaray. This comes as no surprise given that Galatasray’s stadium is the loudest in the world. We’re not making that up… the Guinness World Record recorded 131.76 decibels.

Would Klopp take Fernandes, Mount, Cassimero and Eriksen at Liverpool? Well, we don’t think so… but Gary Neville did at the beginning of the season. Just another example of how punditry ages like wine or milk.

Gerd Muller was the man for the big moments. He is the only player to score a goal in a European Cup Final, Euros Final and World Cup Final. You can find Gerd next to your nearest break-pedal, clutch.

Have your Fantasy Premier League transfers ever cost you 29 points in a single game week? Being an FPL manager can be tough, so any moment that reminds us that we aren’t doing so badly is time well spent. 😁

MEME 😂