⚔️ Tunnel clashes

Plus: an interview with Gabriella Howell

February 21, 2024

GM Football Fans. On this day in 1995, Arsenal sacked manager George Graham after a Premier League investigation had found that he had taken a £425,000 bribe from agent Rune Hauge.

In today’s email:

  • Gabby Howell: What it’s really like to be a “glam” footballer 💄

  • Broadcasters have lied, there’s no such thing as tunnel beef 🥊

  • Erling Haaland reaches another milestone 😳

INTERVIEW

What it's really like to be a “glam” footballer

Picture this… 

It’s a Tuesday morning. You’re getting ready for work, and you receive a WhatsApp message from your mum. 

“Why’s there an article of you in The Sun with a bikini on?” 

The article includes screenshots of your Instagram, and the writer includes comments from your social media like, “The view from behind looks nice too.”

But that’s not all. You search your name online, and you see countless articles with these headlines… 

  • “Glam footballer joins no-bra clubs and sends fans wild.”

  • “Glam footballer stuns in tiny leopard-print bikini.”

  • “Stylish football star thrills fans with pictures in leather corset.”

Yup. That’s Gabriella Howell’s reality. 

While she sees the funny side of these articles, I spoke to her last week about the realities of playing football as a woman. 

So, buckle up, here’s what she had to say…  

Unwanted attention

Gabby has a large Instagram following of over 238,000, more than most professional WSL players. 

She admits that most of her following is a result of the press attention she receives around the way she looks, but worries that it impacts her football negatively. 

“The headlines they write about me mean that sometimes my football isn’t taken seriously,” Gabby told me. 

“I don’t play football to get comments about my appearance, but I understand why people talk about it. It also happens in the men’s game.” 

Despite the negative comments she receives on her football content, Gabby feels that it’s important for female footballers to show their personalities online. It’s not something that she recommends for everyone but, in her view, it could be a tactic to help grow the women’s game. 

“Personality in sports is a big thing. Most of the time, people aren’t adored just because they’re good at football. People fall in love with personalities.” 

Gabby added, “Take Ella Toone at the Euros. Lots of people would say she was their favourite player. Yet, a lot of the time she didn’t start the game - though she had a massive impact - but it goes to show how important having hilarious personalities is for the growth of the women’s game.”

Whilst playing for Sutton United, Gabby also attracted a following to their home games. 

Most of the time, she loves interacting with Sutton fans and any of her followers after the game. Young girls attend to take pictures with Gabby and like to discuss their ambitions to become footballers one day.

Sometimes, though, the interactions can be - umm - weird. After one game for Sutton, Gabby was approached by a middle-aged man.

“I’ve come all the way from Manchester,” the man said. “I’ve seen your TikToks, and I’ve come to watch you play.”

But, let’s just say that Gabby had plans that night which meant she couldn’t stick around… 

“I felt so bad!” 

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BOX-OFFICE VIEWING

Broadcasters have lied, there’s no such thing as tunnel beef

Sky has lied to you. They make out as though every Premier League game starts with a fiery exchange of words whilst the teams line up in the tunnel. 

The truth is, the Premier League has had one juicy pre-game tunnel bust-up and one only. 

That one incident has been the subject of documentaries, YouTube compilations and countless pundit discussions… 

Of course, we’re referring to Roy Keane and Patrick Viera’s infamous war of words in 2005. That was 20 years ago. It was good. But it was 20 years ago, and it has left a beefy void ever since.  

The rest of the memorable tunnel moments are not as beefy, they’re mostly awkward:  

  • David James sniffed a match ball. Odd, yes. But not that thrilling. 

  • Gary Neville ignored people (his brother and Peter Schmeichel).

  • Yaya Touré slapped Hazard on the head whilst pleading for him to go easy on City.  

Why this is important 

In truth, fans don’t ask for much. But heated words and cagey glances are both near the top of the wish list.  It adds meaning to matches and lets us know the players care as much as we do. 

In an ideal world, football coverage will start with top-class tactical analysis pre-match, followed by a short WWE-style Royal Rumble in the tunnel before concluding with an excellent game of football. 

We aren’t sure how to inject life into the tunnel but here are some suggestions to get the discussion started:  

  • Get rid of the coin toss: the first team with 11  players on the pitch gets to choose which side they attack first and who kicks off. But both teams start in their changing rooms before getting released by the referee’s whistle. Can you imagine the scrap to reach the pitch first… amazing. 

  • No more Mr Nice Guy: remove the handshakes from the start of the game. Frankly, I’m bored of watching mates shake hands. You’re about to go to war, act like it or at least pretend like you are.

  • Spikey pre-game interviews: pre-match interviews for players should be mandatory. Maybe show them public polls predicting how they’ll deal with their opponent. Just to bait stars into saying something like “Wait and see what I’m gonna do to him when I get the ball”. 

That’s all we got for now, but we are all ears on how to beef up the tunnel walk. The wilder, the better.  

🤑 Show me the moolah: Kylian Mbappe has signed his Real Madrid contract. He will take a pay cut despite overtaking Jude Bellingham to become the club’s highest-paid plaer.

EXTRA TIME

Swipe left… Beşiktaş has terminated Emirhan Delibaş' contract after they found him on a dating app.

Every defender has a unique way to stop an attacker. But we’re not sure this defender has found his style yet.

Everything about Edgar Davids time at Barnet sounds hilarious. Including the time he watched training from his car.

Two beautiful passes… one Ronaldinho.

Erling Haaland has now scored against all 21 sides he’s faced in the Premier League. He’s just the second player to have played against more than two teams in the competition and scored against all of them.

MEME